Red Kites Life

I've talked before about finding the most useful sources of guidance and support in moving to an alcohol free life other than with traditional "QuitLit" and sober resources. What kept my attention the most were books about habits and change (and the related question of self-discipline if you read yesterday's blog).  I stopped smoking about 15 years ago. One day, I left my office for lunch and was walking up Fleet Street and in the shadow of St Paul's Cathedral saw another City professional leaving his office building and lighting up a cigarette and pulling on that first drag as though his life depended on it, then cupping the cigarette in his hand as if he was embarrassed to be seen with it.  And in a flash I suddenly saw smoking as a drug, like other illegal ones. I don't do other drugs, so why do smoking? Plus obviously it's really not good for you. I don't want to behave like (or be seen as) someone who has this kind of dependency. Of course, it...

When I first started Dry January lots of people talked about QuitLit and recommended various books to help on the journey.  However, I totally failed to identify with any of the stories, journals or diaries. I was either too old, not a mum coping with kids or not working in a high-alcohol environment. And I had also not had a wake-up call or *rock bottom* moment that many of the stories talked about.  So I've tended to find my "QuitLit" in other places: mainly books and podcasts about change, building good habits, more factual books about the effects and harms of alcohol, and other reputable content about building a healthy lifestyle in all its forms. This has also included content on will-power (that gets a blog all of its own!) and self-discipline.  So no surprise that this book caught my eye. OK, the doughnut caught my eye! Which is actually a bit ironic considering what follows! I focused on the section entitled "The 5 mental hindrances to self-discipline" a...

I often remind people that, whatever your long term goal, reviewing and resetting your relationship with alcohol is a journey.  I know a lot of you have decided to set out on that journey on 1 September because it's the beginning of the month, or maybe 2 September cos that's a Monday and you already had plans for the weekend. Maybe you're back to school as a teacher or parent and the idea of starting a new term as you mean to carry on is something you can commit to.  But I want to focus on the comparison with a journey a bit more. Deciding to take a month (or longer) off alcohol is like deciding on your holiday destination. Now you need to work out how to get there. And what to pack. Basically, you need a plan.  If you live in Essex, a day trip to London is probably not complicated, and you may have done it so many times before that you don't even feel like it needs a plan at all.  By comparison, the longest overland road trip from Sagres in Portugal to Talon in East...

I was recently asked about my experience of alcohol harm.  My honest answer was “I haven’t had any experience of alcohol HARM.” No disasters, no loss, no tragedy, no ultimatums, no bereavements, no medical emergencies, no hospitalisations, no family rifts, no relationship breakdowns, no criminal convictions. Not even narrow escapes or wake-up calls. Not for me. Not for anyone in my family. I was just a regular person in a regular job regularly drinking “up to the limits”. Except when I drank more than the limits of course, often as part of work socialising, hospitality events and awards ceremonies, but also at home. Not dependent, not addicted, just habitual drinking, too much and too often. Some sections of the sober community call this “grey area drinking” although I don’t really understand why – when I write this down now, it’s totally clear it was too much, no ifs buts or maybes, and definitely no grey area about it for me! I don’t honestly remember why I had a go at Dry ...

I've been thinking about this for some time and I've finally come to the conclusion that my experience as "sober warrior" can help other "sober curious" individuals on their journey, whether that involves simply exploring the alcohol free lifestyle ("sober curious") or completely embracing life alcohol free ("sober committed").  The thing is, it's a journey. So many times I read people writing that they have "failed Dry January". The F word deserves a blog all of its own ... watch this space! But like all journeys, sometimes we take a wrong turn (occasionally our choice, occasionally persuaded by others). Sometimes we just can't summon the energy to progress today. Sometimes life intervenes and all our best plans are thrown to the wind.  It's also like babies learning to walk. No-one ever accused a baby of "failing" for falling over. We encourage them to get back up and try again. And each time they fall, t...

Spoiler alert : There's a reason why this blog is not accompanied by a picture.  Back in the day I worked in financial services. Ads for pension products were always accompanied by happy couples, mostly grey-haired, wearing white capri pants, strolling along a sandy beach, hand in hand, and evidently very happy with one another and their situation in life.  Illustrations of advisers almost always showed male advisers talking to couples, but clearly engaging with the male of the always heterosexual almost always white couple. As a single woman it was very easy to feel that product providers and advisers really weren't on the same wavelength.  Adviser firms used to (and still do) frame "the ideal client" in terms of business owners, those approaching retirement, widows or those who had recently come into an inheritance or other "sudden money" situation, including big City bonuses (those were the days!). Basically, I'm interested in you if you're rich a...

Have you already tried to stop drinking for a while? Or maybe you thought you'd slipped into drinking a bit more than is good for you and that it might be wise to cut back a bit?  If you're the kind of person who can just have one glass of wine or a pint of beer and then stop, then I'd hazard a guess that this blog and Dry January groups or other sober-curious communities probably aren't where you're at.  For the rest of us who find moderation somewhere between 'a challenge' and 'nigh on impossible' ... well, read on!   There's so many posts about people who are embarrassed that they cannot have just one drink, or who set out with the right intentions but then somehow a switch is flipped and they lose control and then drink to excess. This might be exacerbated by friends (not friends?) who seem to positively delight in watching us fall off the wagon.  There's a great deal of shame expressed, not only about what you might have done when under ...