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What do you mean, you're not drinking?

If you've decided to take a break from alcohol or reduce your consumption, you're probably going to get asked why you're not drinking, especially if your friends know your usual drinking habits.

Some people say you're never under any obligation to explain why you're not drinking, so one option is to say "it's none of your business".  Whilst this is true, I personally prefer a less confrontational approach.  I also think that "I don't want to talk about it" leaves the subject open to friends speculating and making too much of your decision.

But whatever you decide, have your answer ready and say it confidently.  Any indecision leaves you open to being persuaded to change your mind with the classic "oh well, one won't matter then". Especially in the early days, you absolutely do not want to lay yourself open to being talked into consuming alcohol when you didn't want to. 

Firstly, don't be afraid to consider not saying anything to anyone about your alcohol free decision. Depending on the situation they may not even notice, especially if you order your own drink, or pour your own at home, and it looks like it's a "proper" beer or G&T or sparkling wine.  If someone else then goes to the bar for the second round you can say "oh I'm taking it steady this evening - I'll stick with Diet Coke for now and maybe have something else next time".  And of course, next time YOU go to the bar and get something alcohol free again.

You can also seek out friends who are pregnant, or the designated driver, or colleagues who you already know won't drink for health or religious reasons and become a part of their alcohol-free group too.   

Secondly, lying is always an option! 

  • "I’m on antibiotics” can work for a one-off, but nosey friends may ask why as well! 
  • "I’m driving” probably only works if it's true.
  • "I have to be up early tomorrow."
  • "I have an important day in the office tomorrow."
  • "I'm going to the gym when I get home."
  • "I might have to pick up the kids from their new school / a sleepover / partner from the late train."

Finally, truth, or something close to it, might be the best option!  

  • "I’m on a diet and I’d rather save the alcohol calories for dessert." This was my 100% truthful answer at the start. 
  • "I'm doing Dry January or Sober Spring or StopTober." (or any other month that takes your fancy!)
  • "I signed up for a 5 Day challenge I saw on Facebook." (watch this space!) 
  • "I'm training for X and I get much better results when I've not had a drink." (scientifically proven!)
  • "I've given up for Lent. It's usually chocolate but thought I'd try something different this year."
  • "I signed up to the Diabetes UK water only challenge (February) and I'm curious to see if I can get through a month with no booze, or even coffee or tea!"
  • "A friend has signed up to be alcohol free for a month and I'm buddying up with them because they asked me for moral support."

One note of caution from lots of experience!  Truthful doesn't mean detailed.  The more honest you are and the more detail you give, the more negative reaction you're likely to encounter.  Most 'anti' feedback comes when the way we describe our decision is an implied criticism of what others are doing - so my advice is to keep it short and sweet, very simple, very high level, very low key, maybe even a little bit light-hearted (however serious the decision really might be for you) and keep it all about you. Remember, all you're doing here is making it through this social event, and you must choose and use the approach that's most likely to work for you

I'll take a look at how to discuss this with family in another blog - keep following for more support and guidance!

 

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